Wednesday, May 28, 2008
@ 10:31 PM

Just came back from church.. Man.. I sure asked a lot of questions to myself today.. One time was during the train ride to paya lebar, the other was the trip back from paya lebar...

First time.. During the train ride to Paya Lebar, while Alicia and Samantha were busy chatting, I was asking myself.. What does LOVE means to myself... Here are my answers:
1) Love is about letting go.
2) Love is not just about BOY GIRL RELATIONSHIPS.
3) Love exists in many many different form!
4) Love is DEFINITELY NOT desperation.
5) Loving someone does not mean Needing someone!
6) Love is clearly shown through GOD!
Yeap!! That is about it.. The 6 answers i thought of during the train ride before coming back to reality..

Second time.. During the train ride from Paya Lebar, when WeiLing(William), XinChi(JeanieCute/MariaYes), Lala(Larry), Peiwei(Patrick) and Alicia(Alex) were busy discussing 'Stuffs' and laughing until their faces turn red... I was asking myself this!
"What am i borned for?"
This time I have no list for the answers, but somehow a testimony came into my head when I thought of the answer..

Here's some of my past,
As a young boy, I grew up in a very sad environment, some examples that made my life this way was, being bullied in school almost everyday in primary school, being bullied by my cousins during weekends when they come over to my house.. Which means i almost get bullied everyday in the week! Thinking back now.. I actually find it cool! Laugh out loud.. This environment made me a 'complain king' as well as a 'cry baby' in primary school.. However, when i graduated from primary school and got enrolled in "CTSS!".. I decided to change myself in order make friends! Thus, I did my research, and yes i really did my research, and found out that quite a number of young teenagers could use some fun in their lives, thus i tried being a joker, and yes that's how i became so retarded in school. Everything started off fine, especially when i sat with shu feng in secondary 1! As my class is rather filled with jokers such as, Nigel Tan Wee Yao, Niger Ang Yi Dong, Amos Chiam Hui Qin, Jeffrey Tan Jun Xun and none other than Lee Tat Wee.. I found myself making alot of close friends! And yes that's how Sai Kang Warriors/Shit Hole Talibans were formed.. So when a person finds that his attitude is helping him make friends, by nature he will bring it to the next level so he could make more friends! And so.. Being a retarded me, I made myself even more retarded like acting like a clown infront of my class.. Now I'm in secondary three, ALL of the jokers had been seperated from me.. There was no more Niger to tag team with me in chinese class, there was no more Nigel to laugh with in Mathematics class, there was no more, 'Yi La Si Ding'(Elastic direct translation a.k.a my chinese group name), to joke with.. Okay... I just realised i drifted off topic >.>... Back to the main point.. All along in my mind, I felt that I was borned to joke and bring joy to people's lives, there was a point where i felt i was borned to console my friends to make them feel better.. But now I realise, I brought more pain then joy to people, I brought more hatred then consolation to my friends.. So what am I really born to do? I couldn't think of the answer for the future me.. But all I know.. The time is almost ripe for me to move on to JIAXIAN 2.0! A brand new JiaXian which is better than what i am now!

My Sincere Apologies to:
Alicia Wong
Janise Tan
Lee Peiwei
Samantha Teo for playing with your hair and made you pissed >.<
Lim Shu Feng
Kelvin Ong("L") Reason: For beating you for fun



Although I may feel lonely, depressed, scared, horrified, terrified, crestfallen... but withyou, god, by my side, I have absolutely nothing to fear!